The Ectopic

In June 2007 I met my soul mate Andrew, we fell madly in love and we married in November 2011.

In the year leading up to our Wedding my cycles were very irregular ranging from 16 – 66 days, I gained weight and developed acne. They had been irregular since I stopped taking the contraceptive pill due to headaches. However after purchasing our first house, refurbishing it then having a fire which meant starting from scratch, while planning a wedding abroad all within the same year I had put it down to stress.

Although we had always known we wanted children it was on honeymoon we decided we would try for a baby as soon as we returned to the UK.

I was due to be a bridesmaid for Andrews sister’s wedding 7 months later and when looking at dress styles I was worried about fit and the possibility I would have a bump. Back then never did I anticipate trying for a baby would be so hard.

Just after the wedding and still no pregnancy, I went to the doctor regarding my irregular cycles and not conceiving for 6 months. He conducted a hormone blood test which indicated I may have PCOS (Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome). I was sent for an ultra sound scan which showed a couple of cysts but nothing major and I was diagnosed with borderline PCOS and told to return after a year of trying to conceive if we had no luck.

In December 2012 my period was extremely light and only lasted 2 days. It finished and a couple of days later I woke up to feel incredibly faint and nauseous. I rushed to the bathroom and was immediately sick. In the excitement of possible ‘morning sickness’ we decided to take a pregnancy test. It immediately showed the second line (positive) so I shouted for Andrew to come in. I was crying and shaking frantically with excitement. Together we cuddled, laughed and shared happy tears. It was a moment I will treasure forever.

I assumed I had mistaken implantation bleeding for my period, something I had read about online. We couldn’t have been happier. A year of trying for a baby had felt like a lifetime however we had just 8 months till we would become a family unit of our own.

Unfortunately just 3 days later I started to spot, I rushed to the doctor who dismissed me and said that unfortunately 1 in 4 women miscarry and there was nothing she could do, just go home and wait it out. I was in tears, devastated and asked how they knew I was miscarrying and not experiencing an Ectopic, something my mum had also experienced. After some persistence she agreed to call the EPAU (Early Pregnancy Assessment Unit). They agreed to see me so we headed straight to the hospital.

The staff at the EPAU were fantastic, welcoming, understanding and I quickly felt assured I was in safe hands. I provided a urine and blood sample, my temperature and blood pressure were also taken. My belly was examined and I was asked if I had any shoulder pain. Everything was fine, physically I felt fine. We were then sent down to the ultra sound department, nothing could be seen. I was sent home and asked to return 48 hours later for a repeat blood test. They were testing the HCG level, in normal circumstances over 48 hours it should double. If it dropped it would indicate miscarriage and if it rose but did not double it would indicate a possible ectopic.

I returned 48 hours later for the blood test and we left to have dinner with our friends and await the results which would be back that evening. At dinner they announced they had some news, at that exact point the house phone rang. Andrew left to get the phone and they continued to tell me they were expecting a second baby. Andrew came in as the phone was for me, the hospital, we both went to the living room to take the call. The HCG had risen but not doubled. We were potentially facing an ectopic pregnancy. Our hearts sank. Any sign of pain I was to immediately go to the hospital, Ectopic pregnancies can be life threatening. Our friends were in the dining room next door, they weren’t to know. We had already agreed we wouldn’t tell them everything going on before they came for dinner so we had a quick cuddle put on some extremely brave faces and went back in to congratulate them on their news.

Again I was required to return to the hospital after another 48 hours to have a blood test and another scan. I was diagnosed with a pregnancy of unknown location. The HCG decreased and we thought I may pass the baby naturally. I continued to have scans and blood tests over a period of three weeks. I was still only experiencing occasional spotting.

It was Christmas and we should have been enjoying the festivities but it was all a blur of exhaustion. That year we spent Christmas with Andrew’s family and all wore Christmas jumpers. We had a family photo taken in front of the tree and still to this day that photo fills me with sadness. In that photo our first baby is part of me, there in my tummy. The first baby we wouldn’t get to bring home.

We had planned on going away to Bath with friends for New Year. We were in two minds about going but decided as we were staying in the UK and if I should feel pain or need to get to a hospital we wouldn’t be far so we still went. It was a needed distraction.

We had been away for one night and woke in the morning to a call from the hospital, my bloods had risen and they needed to get me in before the Ectopic possibly ruptured. Holiday cut short we rushed back. Knowing this was a possibility we had my overnight bagged packed and in the car and we went straight to the hospital. It was then that I underwent a laparoscopy to remove my right Fallopian tube and the baby. The staff at the hospital were fantastic. It was New Years Eve and they relaxed visiting hours to allow Andrew to be with me. We played monopoly and watched the New Year come in. It was now 2013, New Year, new start.

When I returned home I was quite uncomfortable, quite bloated and dare I say it, relieved. We had been on an emotional rollercoaster. It was finally over. I have 3 scars on my lower belly from this operation.

I returned to work and ‘normal’ life two weeks later. I kept the journey we had been on a secret. I didn’t want to let people in on our plans to start a family. We also didn’t want our friends that we had dinner with to find out we had lost a baby while they were expecting and create any possible divide in our new found friendship. I wanted my life to return to how it had been, so we shut away what happened. We would wait for my cycle to return and try again.

We also went to a counselling session after this loss which I still believe was the key beginning for us both in a journey of deep emotional understanding and connection we have that makes our marriage stronger than I ever thought was possible.