FOURever Is Near

Libby will soon become a BIG sister! Suddenly she doesn’t feel like a baby any more. She’s grown up so much, her communication is just incredible, she is so determined, very independent, inquisitive, always smiling (or pouting 😂) and a little too sassy but we wouldn’t have her any other way. She makes us laugh daily and fills us with so much love & pride. Libby has been my little superstar this pregnancy, sitting beside me through the morning sickness, cuddling up with me for a TV day when the exhaustion takes it toll, and we have enjoyed a few too many biscuits together! 

She wasn’t very well last week nothing serious and she bounced right back but I cancelled our plans, pushed everything else aside and sat the two of us cuddled on the sofa. In that moment it hit me... the realisation that it won’t just be us for much longer. I won’t always be able to forget everything else and just cuddle, someone else will need me as their Mumma too. 

Libby hasn’t had to share me with anyone for almost two years and I can contently say I have loved every precious moment and we have truly made the most of that time together. She won’t remember this time but I will and it will always be so special to me. I feel a little guilty, like I’m taking it away from her. But I have to keep reminding myself what she is gaining...A little brother!

I have two ‘little’ brothers, both bigger than me now! I  have been so lucky to have them, so many childhood memories we enjoyed together and actually very few upsets. I never had to do anything alone as someone was always about to play, at school, at clubs or on holidays. We have had so much fun and we still continue to do so now. They are always there for me and I know that no matter what it is I can call them and they will be there. It’s a truly special bond. 

I am so emotional at the moment, even thinking about leaving Libby for a couple of days while I’m in hospital gets me all teary. I am going to miss her so much, her beautiful fresh brown eyes in the morning when she comes into bed for a cuddle, her nursery rhyme singing and dance bopping, her little voice saying ‘Mummaaaaa’.

For all of us there are some big changes ahead and it’s a little scary. I hear 2 is a game changer?! 

I hope me and Andrew have done all we can to prepare and ensure there is minimal impact on Libby’s world. 

Libby, Thank You for sharing this wonderful journey with me. I’m so excited for our next adventure as a family of 4. I might not be 100% the Mumma you know over the coming weeks but I will always love you unconditionally, you will always be my rainbow and the beautiful little girl that made all my dreams come true. I can’t wait to spend another year at home with both you and your brother. I just know you are going to make the most amazing BIG sister xxxx

Expanding Our Family

We are often asked ‘Do you want anymore?’ or ‘When’s the next one?’. 

Since Libbys arrival we have always been quite open about the fact that for us Libby was perfect and we had no intention of having anymore. 

For me the choice to try again was almost like saying our world wasn’t complete, it would open up a whole world of heartache and memories that although will of course always be with us and play a huge part of who we are today the past is where we wish to keep it. How would we cope with another loss around Libby? We couldn’t jet off on holiday and drop our responsibilities in the way we had before.

I toyed with my emotions and the guilt of her being an only child, not having siblings like both Andrew & I but as a sociable couple with plenty of little ones playing big parts in our life we knew Libby would be just fine. She would get our full attention, love and would hopefully never go without.

And then it happens, drunken, unprotected sex over the festive period. 

A few weeks later, I returned to work from maternity leave and Libby started nursery. We were just getting settled when it happened..... a late period and positive pregnancy test!

We are having another baby. 3 will soon become 4 and Libby will soon become a big sister. And with no doubt a fantastic one at that. 

Starting Nursery

Tomorrow I return to work after the most incredible 14 months leave. I’m looking forward to returning, a 30 minute car journey to myself, getting stuck into new projects, being able to sit at a desk on a computer without a 1 year old smacking the keyboard or clinging to my ankles, sipping on really hot coffee, using the toilet without a tiny human trying to climb in my knickers or peer into the toilet while pulling the whole roll of toilet paper over the floor. Hopefully tomorrow I’ll reach 4pm without a snot covered top and finally I can spend my day talking to adults... ha! who am I kidding I’ve spent a whole year talking the ears off all my lovely new mum friends.

However I am extremely emotional that tomorrow morning when my baby girl wakes Mummy won’t be here. It will be Daddy that gets her up and ready for her first day at nursery. Libby’s bags are packed, her clothes ready and Andrews been practising how to put her hair up the last few days. (Top Dad!!!) It will also be Andrew that drops her to nursery. This is probably for the best as I’m pretty sure I’d be a blubbing mess even though she’s already had 3 settling in sessions.

Libby will be in the care of some wonderful ladies and I trust them with the most precious person in my life yet at the moment they are strangers. It breaks my heart that when she holds out her thumb and pinches it against her index finger they won’t know she wants to hold hands. They won’t know that when she picks up a tambourine she’s expecting them to sing ‘kumbaya’ or when she’s straddling their feet she wants to be bounced. What about if she falls and hurts herself? Will their cuddles be good enough? All those hurdles she’s about to overcome, new friends to make, new routines to adjust to and new surroundings to become familiar with. She won’t know or understand why I’m not there just yet as she’s still too little, too little to be in that big world without me... 

Libby is a confident, sociable, happy, independent, sassy little girl. I know that nursery for her will be a wonderland filled with new things to explore, discover and learn.

Be brave my baby girl, have lots of fun making new friends! I wish I could be a fly on the wall and watch all the magical things you get up to. Show them all the love, laughter and cheekiness you have to give. Know that being your Mummy will always be my number one role and I cannot wait to pick you up. Xx